What She Saw
by JustcallmeRed
Summary: Joy Carson has led a normal life for a blind girl. She meets up with gang, and she can see more in them than anyone ever could. COMPLETELY ORIGINAL! Chapter 8 is up!
1. Meeting Pony

**Chapter 1**  
  
There was a different smell about Tulsa than Chicago. The air was more crisp and had a certain chill to it.  
  
At first, I had trouble getting around the house, I was used to our apartment. Sometimes, I'd forget where my own room was.

* * *

"Joy, time for dinner!" My mother called up the stairs for me.  
  
"Okay!" I lifted myself from my chair and moved precariously across my room. I reached the stairs.  
  
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14. 14 steps in all. I held on to the banister the whole way down. I wasn't used to the stairs; our apartment in Chicago had been on the first floor, saving me the energy.  
  
"Is dad home yet?"  
  
"No, he has to stay late today."  
  
"His first week and they're making him stay late?"  
  
"Yes." My mother stated sweetly. I always wished I had a sweet voice like hers. It was so warm, loving. My voice was harsh, and blunt.  
  
"Where's Brian?" I asked, feeling through the air to try and find my chair.  
  
"He's out with some friends of his; he should be back any minute."  
  
"Where'd they go?" I finally found my seat.  
  
"Why do you ask so many questions?" My mother laughed.  
  
I was about to answer but my brother came bursting in the front door.  
  
"Hey, Mom!"  
  
"Go wash up for dinner, it's time to eat." She called back.  
  
"Can Pony eat with us?"  
  
"Who's Pony?"  
  
"My friend."  
  
"Okay, just hurry up, dinner's getting cold."  
  
"This is Pony." Brian introduced his new friend to my mom.  
  
"Hello, ma'am." Pony spoke a lot quieter than Brian. I found that odd, Brian didn't have quiet friends.  
  
"Well Brian, why don't you introduce Pony to your sister." She said after a moment's silence.  
  
"Don't bother." I knew Brian was ashamed of my blindness. He rarely brought friends home. When we were alone though, we got along real good. I've heard it's that way for a lot of twins, blind or not. "I'm Joy," I introduced myself, standing up from my chair. "Is Pony your real name?"  
  
"Joy!" Mother scolded.  
  
"Yeah," he said, I wanted to know if I upset, but I couldn't tell by his voice.  
  
"That's cool." I ignored my mother.  
  
"Sit, sit." My mother insisted to the boys.

* * *

At dinner, everyone was silent with the exception of my brother. He just could never shut up.  
  
Every once in a while, Pony would laugh and make a comment. I wished he would talk more, I loved his voice. There was something musical about it.  
  
"Joy, will you pass the rolls?" Brian asked.  
  
I reached in front of me. I wanted to find them so badly. They were in front of me somewhere, I knew that. I probably looked like an idiot feeling around the table like that.  
  
"Oh, never mind." Brian stood up and reached over me for the rolls.  
  
Settling back in my chair, I accepted defeat.  
  
"What are you going to do tonight?" Mom asked Brian.  
  
"We're going to the nightly double. It's a movie place in town."  
  
"I wouldn't if I were you," I told him.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"It's going to rain."  
  
"No, its not." I could tell Brian was rolling his eyes, "You're just jealous because you can't go."

* * *

They left for the movies. They shouldn't have. I knew it was going to rain, no matter what the weatherman said. 

I was right. It poured about 30 minutes after they left the house.  
  
I had to resist laughing in Brian's face when he came back, soaked.

* * *

I was always nosey. Everyones life always seemed so much more interesting than mine. I wish I hadn't been so curious than night, though.  
  
When Dad came home, Brian told him all about his day. I was listening at the top of the stairs.  
  
"She's so embarrassing, Dad."  
  
"She's your sister."  
  
"Well, she's not hanging out with my friends."  
  
I tried to cry, but I knew I couldn't, it was impossible. My tear duct was dry, as it had been since I was 5. Instead, I went back into my room, locked the door, and opened the window. The moist air blew into my room and a few raindrops flew onto my shirt.  
  
Curiously, I reached my hand out of my window, palm up, and caught a little water in my hand. The best I could manage, I placed a drop of the wetness on both my cheeks and let them roll down my face. I was pretty sure that didn't give me the full effect of tears, but I was satisfied.

* * *

I made the decision that night that I was going to make friends if it killed me. I didn't need any of Brian's buddy's.  
  
After all, anyone could be better than a kid named Pony.  
  
I don't think I have ever been more wrong in my life.

* * *

Thanks for reading. I'm really excited about this story, I've got some really cool ideas coming! Please review!


	2. Mothers

**Chapter 2  
**  
"Come on, Lady!" I opened the back door and called.   
  
Lady was my dog. My parents had got her from a seeing-eye-dog place back in Chicago last Christmas. She was only with me when I was alone in the house or if I was going outside. Mostly, she stayed in the back yard.  
  
Tediously, I wrapped her harness around her. I was thankful that I was the only one awake; my Mom would have never let me go outside by myself. She was way too over-protective, as most mothers are.  
  
"Lady, do you see my cane anywhere?" I asked her. "My cane, girl, go get it."   
  
She left my side for a moment, and came back, dropping my cane in my extended hand. "Good girl." I patted her head.  
  
"What are you doing?" A voice from behind me asked as I opened the front door to leave.   
  
"Brian!" I hissed, "Just tell Mom that I went on a walk, okay?"  
  
"Sure, whatever." He knew that I was going to be in trouble, but I was a little too stubborn to listen to him.

* * *

I left and began making my way down the street. I continued straight, afraid that if I turned, I wouldn't be able to get back.   
  
Lady seemed grateful for the walk because I could feel her tail wagging at my side. It was nice having her around, I knew I was safe.  
  
People drove by, and I felt very self-conscious with my walking cane. I debated hiding it in a bush and coming back for it later, but then I tripped in a pothole and almost fell on my face. I figured I'd hold on to it for a while.   
  
A half of an hour later I found myself in a park, on a swing with my shoes off.   
  
"Joy?" I jumped.  
  
"Who is it?" I don't know why I was so scared.  
  
"It's Pony, I met you last night."  
  
"Oh..." Feeling slightly stupid, I settled back on my swing. "Well are you going to sit down?" I asked, after he didn't move.  
  
He shuffled over and sat on the swing next to me.   
  
"I heard you guys got rained out yesterday."  
  
"Yeah," He gave a little chuckle, "I didn't think it would, it didn't say anything about rain in the weather report on TV."   
  
"They're always wrong."   
  
"Are you okay?" He asked after a minute.  
  
"I'm not lost if that's what your asking."  
  
"Oh," He said. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I had answered him a little too harshly.   
  
Lady began to wag her tail again, "What is it Lady? Is someone coming?" I could hear someone in the distance.   
  
"That's my friend, Johnny." Pony said.  
  
"Is he nice?"  
  
"Yes." I could hear the foot steps moving closer. That kid must've walked kinda weird, or maybe he was just lazy, because I could hear his feet dragging across the grass as he walked.  
  
"Hey, Pony, what's up?" Johnny's voice was barely more than a whisper.  
  
"Hey, Johnny, this is Joy, Brian's sister."   
  
"Hi." He said, I smiled and then I wondered what a smile looked like.   
  
"I should be going home, my mom's probably worried." I stood and grabbed Lady's harness. "You guys can come if you want, Brian must be looking for you."  
  
We walked back to the house. Trying to avoid the cracks in the sidewalk, I walked extra carefully. Not that it helped, I must've tripped about 5 times on the way back.   
  
"GREASER!" Someone shouted out the window as a car sped by.  
  
"Greaser," I asked, "what does that mean?"  
  
Pony and Johnny were silent.  
  
"We're Greasers."  
  
"Me?"  
  
"No, not you."  
  
"Us, it's because we use grease in our hair."  
  
"Oh, that seems like a dumb reason to call you a greaser." I had a feeling that there was more to being a Greaser.  
  
We walked in silence the rest of the way back.

* * *

"Brian! Pony and Johnny are here!" I called up the stairs as soon as I entered the house. Brian was down the stair in a second.  
  
"Hey guys, let's go, before my mom gets hold of Joy." He laughed, "Good luck Joy!"  
  
"Thanks Brian." I muttered.  
  
"Joy Carson! Where have you been?" Mom came in the room, (or was she standing there all along?)  
  
"Mom, I was just on a walk, geez!"   
  
"By yourself?"   
  
"I was there Mrs. Carson." Pony said before I could answer her. His voice surprised me, I thought that they had already left.  
  
"Yeah, Mom, Pony was there." I told her, trying to get out of a grounding.   
  
"Fine," She gave in, "but next time you wander off like that, you're going to be punished."  
  
"I'm almost 15, Mom!"  
  
"Well, it's dangerous, you can't see!"  
  
"Oh, thanks for telling me, I hadn't noticed."   
  
"Don't be a smart-mouth." She stated simply as she traveled back toward the kitchen.  
  
"Mom, I'm going out," Brian called after her.  
  
"Good, I'm coming, too."  
  
My brother didn't argue and I found that odd.

* * *

Really, really short and boring today. I'm sorry, but review and I'll be sure to put up a more interesting chapter tomorrow! Thanks! 


	3. Socs

**Chapter 3**

That night, with lack of anything to do, we headed over to Pony's house. I felt odd around all of the guys there. I wondered if their parents knew that all of those people were there, but for once in my life, I decided not to ask questions.

The television was blaring and they were shouting across the room to one another.

"Johnny, will you get me a beer while you're in there?'

"Yeah, Two-bit."

"Hey, Soda, will you take this box?"

"What are you doing, Darry?" Pony asked.

"We have to get rid of some of this old stuff; we don't have the room for it all."

"Darry," Soda said, "What about this?"

"Just get throw it away, it's probably broken anyway."

"Let me see it, Soda." Pony stood up from his seat on the couch next to me.

"What is it?" I whispered to Pony as he sat back down.

"It's a typewriter."

"Hey Brian," One of the guys yelled from the other side of the room, "Do you guys play poker in Chicago?"

"You bet." Brian went to join their game.

I could hear Pony clicking on the keys of the typewriter.

"Does it work?" I asked him.

"Well I'm pretty sure it would, if it had any paper in it." He said. "Here hold on to it I'll find some." He placed the typewriter in my lap.

I felt the round metal keys.

"Here," Pony came back and put the paper in. I still had my hand on the keys.

"Put your hands like this," he picked up my fingers and placed them correctly on the keys. "There now you can be and expert typist."

"Oh, of course," I laughed, sarcastically.

I pressed down a key and it made and odd clicking sound.

"That's an 'A'." He said.

"Where's 'B'?"

He lifted my index finger and used it to press another key down.

We continued this way throughout the alphabet. All the while, I got very comfortable, with his hand over mine, guiding me to each of the keys. No one else seemed to notice us there on the couch. Who knows what Brian would say?

* * *

"Oh, shoot!" Brian said suddenly, making me jump. "Come on, Joy, it's time to go. Mom's gonna kill me!"

"Darry, I'm gonna walk them home, okay?" Pony asked.

"Yeah, just hurry up."

All thoughts of the typewriter, abandoned, we hurried home.

* * *

"How come that car is following us?" I had been listening to the sound of it's muffler for a few minutes.

"Just keep moving, Joy." Brian whispered grabbing my arm.

The car pulled in front of us and stopped. "Joy, just stay here." Brian told me, releasing his grip on my arm.

"Hey, Greasers, What are you doing out this time of night." An unfriendly voice was moving closer to us. I wished I hadn't been so stupid as to leave Lady at home for the night.

"Who's the girl?" One of the guys asked, as he moved closer to me, close enough that I could smell the alcohol on his breath. I backed up and tripped over my own feet.

"You leave her be!" I heard Brian yell.

"Leave her be!" One of the guys mocked.

"What's going here?" I heard a different voice say.

"Nothin' Tim, we're just having a friendly little chat."

"Well I suggest you beat it!" Tim said.

"Good thing we have better places to be." 3 car doors slammed and the car tore off down the road.

"You guys alright?"

"Yeah Tim, we're okay." Brian said.

"You alright, Joy?" Pony asked.

I nodded and he grabbed my hand, pulling me up.

"See, ya'll later," Tim said, "And kid, if they ever bother you again, just holler for me. I'll beat the damn socs for ya'."

* * *

After a long and tedious lecture from my mother about the importance of being in before curfew, I lay in my bed for a long time.

Socs and Greasers. What was the difference? There had to be something else besides hair grease that set them apart. Which was worse?

Later in the night, a rumble of thunder shook our house and brought me from my light slumber.

"Come here, Lady!" I called softly outside. She came running in from the storm, lightly covered in rain drops.

She stayed beside me as slept that night, my head nestled in her hair.

I wanted to see. I don't know why it hit me like it did just then. Maybe it was because I couldn't see them, the socs, I'd felt so insecure. I needed to be taken care of, like some child. Independence, what a wonderful thing that could be, but I guess I'd never know.

* * *

Thats all for today, ya'll. Thanks for reading. Goodness knows why this thing won't let me indent... Anyway, PLEASE review! 


	4. Football

**Chapter 4**

"Lady, stop licking me!" What a terrible way to wake up.

"If you're coming, hurry up, Joy!" Brian yelled into my room.

"Where are you going?"

"To play football with Pony and them."

"Why are you inviting me?"

"Stop asking questions. Are you coming or not?"

"Yeah, just let me get dressed would ya'?"

I wondered if Mom had convinced him to let me go.

"Lady, get me my shoes, girl." She brought me my sneakers.

"Thanks. Sweetheart," I patted her head.

The doorbell rang and I heard Pony enter the front hallway.

"Come on, Joy!" Brian shouted up the stairs.

"I'm coming!"

* * *

The three of us met up with the rest of the...gang, I guess. That's what Pony always called them, but they_ couldn't_ be a real gang. Gangs were violent and unfriendly. No, I made up my mind, they weren't a _real_ gang.

Anyway, we met them on an uneven field where the grass scratched at my bare calves, and they set up football teams. Of course I didn't play. Instead, I sat on the side lines and listened to touch down cheers and whoops of joy, absentmindedly scratching behind Lady's ears.

Thunder rolled overhead, the storm had been closing in for a while, but I chose not to say anything. They kept on playing until the rain came pouring down and even then they debated staying out for a while longer.

* * *

By the time we got back to the Curtis's I was soaked to the skin. Darry got Brian and me a couple of towels and I drew mine around my shoulders.

"Brian, I'm going to go back home. Okay?"

"I better come with you." He told me.

"Why Brian? I'll be fine. I think I can manage walking home by myself." I protested. I sighed and let Lady lead me out of the door.

* * *

I wasn't far from the house when Pony came running out after me.

"I don't need someone to walk me home, Ponyboy Curtis." Once again, I found myself speaking a little too harshly. Unfortunately, it wasn't to convincing because I tripped.

"Are you alright?" He grabbed my arm and stabled me.

I wrenched my arm from his grip, my pride damaged more than anything else.

"No, I'm not!" I cried, "I'm blind! I can't see where I'm going or what I'm doing. I can't see my own face in the mirror!" I cried, tearlessly. I lowered myself to the ground, no longer having the energy or the will-power to hold myself up. "It's so dark." I whispered to myself. I didn't know if Pony heard me, but I didn't care.

Why, all of the sudden, my blindness affected me so badly, I didn't know.

Pony knelt down beside me. "I'm sorry." He said.

"Don't be." I whispered, "Please don't be, that makes everything so much harder."

"Do you want to go home?"

I shook my head.

"Can I sit here with you?" He asked, sweetly.

Before I could even think, I nodded.

"What do I look like?" I said after a few minutes of silence. "Never mind." I could feel my cheeks getting warmer.

"What do you look like?" I asked after another moment of quiet. Why did my curiosity have to kick in then? "Never mind." I said hastily.

He chuckled, I wondered what it meant.

Finally, I settled on a question, "Why do you use hair grease?"

"I don't know. I guess I just do because Soda and Darry do. I can't remember a time when I didn't use hair grease." He said.

"Can I touch it?"

"What?" He laughed.

"I just want to see what hair grease does."

I touched his hair, my arm brushing the skin on his cheek.

"It's kind of like hair spray then."

"I guess." He shrugged.

When I took my hand from his hair, I didn't draw back all of the way. Instead, I let my fingers trail across his cheekbone and the across the bridge of his nose. Thin cheekbones, small pointed nose, soft, thin lips...Suddenly, I was self-conscious.

"I'm sorry," I turned away from him so he couldn't see my burning cheeks, "I...I just...I wanted to see...what you looked like." I finished lamely.

"Yeah, I know," He whispered.

* * *

"Goodnight, Joy." He said, sweetly, as he walked me to the front door.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Ponyboy." I smiled.

* * *

Thank ya'll for reading, I'll try to update later this week. Please REVIEW!


	5. Birthdays

**Chapter 5**

Over a weeks time, I still didn't know what to think about Pony, but every time he came around, Brian no longer seemed to mind me.

Most of the time, Brian took to following Two-bit around like a lost duckling, learning all of the "tricks of the trade," as Two-bit would call them. But Brian had yet to gather up the courage to actually steal anything. Out of admiration, or maybe just fear, I didn't tell my mother. Brian would kill me.

* * *

On the morning of our 15th birthday, Pony had been running a fever for 2 straight days, and without the company of my only friend, and Brian out finding excitement, I was down trodden.

At least 3 times a day I'd snuck past my protective mom to see Pony, but as clever as I was at getting past her, I couldn't get past Darry.

"Is Pony up?" I asked innocently, attempting to slip past him once again.

"Joy, you know he's sick, I've already told you. Does your mother know you're gone? She'd kill me if you got sick." He was trying to sound serious, but I could tell he was smiling.

I shook my head. Rubbing my knee where it had hit their coffee table. That darn table was out to get me, I swear it, I had never in my life ran into a single object as many times as I ran into that table a day.

"Come on, Darry, don't make her go home." Two-bit said from the couch. "Sit down, Joy, get yourself a beer."

"That's alright, Two-bit. Come on, Lady, let's go home."

"Suit yourself."

"Oh, and Joy," Darry said as I headed towards the door, "Happy Birthday."

I smiled, and walked out of the door. (After hitting that d table again!)

* * *

"Hey Joy! Hold up!" I turned at the sound of Soda's voice.

"Here," he said, trying to catch his breath, "We were gonna junk this, but Pony said that you might want it."

"What is it?" I asked before he placed it in my hands. It was the typewriter. "Thanks Soda." I grinned.

"Listen, Darry has to work the afternoon shift today because one of the workers broke an arm or something. You can come by then, because I think Pony's about to die of boredom...or lack of cigarettes." He added, chuckling to himself.

"Yeah, okay, I'll come by later." I told him.

When I got back home I could smell cake cooking in the kitchen and I could hear my mother lecturing Brian about his behavior the last few days. I crept as quietly upstairs as I could, hoping to avoid a lecture myself.

"Joy Carson! Where have you been?" She scolded when I was on the last step. I sighed and reluctantly turned around. I wished I wasn't blind for that one minute, just so I could see if she really did have eyes in the back of her head.

"I was just on a walk, I-"

"You went to go visit that boy again, didn't you? Don't you think that I don't know what you're up to and let me tell you that I don't like at all! Who knows what that boy could want with you."

"Mom!" My cheeks got hot. "I just went on a walk, okay!"

"Don't you leave this house again! Ever!" She added, "The last thing I need is to have to start worrying about you too."

"Fine." I said, and abandoned any thoughts of attempting to reason with her.

* * *

I hate mothers. What I hated worse was being such a good girl. I wished I could find the courage to disobey my mother, but I couldn't. In the end, it was Brian who saved the day.

"Joy, are you coming to see Pony or not?" Brian asked.

"I can't, mom won't let me out of the house." I told him glumly.

"It's alright, he's downstairs."

"Really?" I perked up a bit. Okay maybe more than a bit, I tried not to make it obvious to Brian how quickly I made it to the kitchen.

"Pony?" I asked when I pushed open the door.

"I'm over here." He said from behind me.

Attempting to hide a smile I turned around.

"How've ya' been?" I asked.

"Never better." He laughed sweetly. I could tell he was still sick by the hoarseness in his voice.

"You know if you get me sick my mother will murder you." I told him plainly.

"That's alright." He said, I wondered what he meant. "Listen, I've got to go."

"Already?" I frowned.

"Darry'll be home any minute. Give this to Brian, it's from Two-bit."

"Okay." I took the box, knowing pretty sure what was inside.

"This is from me." He pressed a smaller box into my palm. I was subconsciously aware of how soft his hands were and his familiar smell. "For you."

I was silent. "Thank you." I whispered finally running my fingertips along the edges of the box as he turned and left.

I didn't open the box that night, and to my surprise I wasn't deeply curious about what was inside. No one in my life, aside from my family, had ever given me a birthday gift before.

I tucked the box under my pillow and didn't fall asleep until much later that night.

* * *

Kind of an odd place to stop, I'm sorry for the shortness. Marching Band practice. Not fun. Review and make me feel better! Thanks!


	6. Understanding

**Chapter 6**

That summer ended more quickly then any summer had before.

My new school was over 40 minutes away and with Pony's never ending pile of homework, we rarely saw each other. And over the weeks, we became distant.

Brian began wearing grease in his hair and hung out with this kid named Tim. He didn't speak much of Pony, if anything.

Over time, I had begun to realize the way things worked in Tulsa. Why Greasers were classified the way they were and why sometimes Brian would come home with a cut lip or a swollen eye.

I tried not to let loneliness overtake me again. I tried to fight it by typing for long periods of time. A word, a sentence, a paragraph, a page; Mother became worried, but she didn't say much.

There was a craving inside of me; a craving for something for my soul to feed off of, but nothing would satisfy it. It was the first time in my life I had thought of my house as a cage, my life as a cage, and most of all, my blindness as a cage. I needed something, I knew I did, but I couldn't figure out what it was, and that bothered me most of all.

* * *

I could've sworn I heard his voice, but I must've been imagining things. 'You want to be him.' I told myself. I must've been going mental.

Relaxing once again, I leaned back on the park bench, letting the fading sun fall on my face. But again, I sat up. It was his voice, I was certain.

"Come Lady." I said, standing up.

Slowly, I made my way towards the road, barely letting my feet scoff the ground in case I heard him again.

There was his voice, once more, louder than before. Abandoning any thoughts of using my walking cane, I walked faster, almost at a run.

My stomach was churning, telling me that something was wrong and with little grace my foot was caught on a slab of uplifted pavement and I fell to my knees. I made to get up again, hoping to hear the voice, but a firm hand was placed on my shoulder.

"Joy, is that you? Are you alright?" I couldn't breathe and I was shaking, I didn't even know why.

"Something's wrong." I whispered.

"What is it?" Darry knelt down and grabbed both of my shoulders.

"I don't know." I cried, "I think something's wrong with Pony."

"Joy, are you sure you're okay? Here, let me take you home."

"No Darry, I really think something is wrong."

"Calm down, Joy, nothing is-" He stopped, I heard his voice again, and I knew he had heard it, too, "Listen, stay here, I'll be back in a minute."

I nodded and he ran off, but I rose to my feet and slowly followed his foot steps around the corner.

There was scuffling, and yelling, but heard above the rest was the voice of Two-bit, shouting things I'm sure my mother wouldn't approve of. When half of the mass had scurried away, I could be found with my back pressed to a chain-link fence, praying that I wouldn't be noticed.

I could hear the gang, a few meters away.

"You alright there?" Darry asked.

"Yeah, I'm okay." It was Pony. I hadn't even noticed that I had been holding my breath until I let out a sigh of relief.

"Hold on a sec, I have to go get-" Darry stopped short. "Joy?"

"Yeah?" I said quietly.

"Everything's okay now." He told me.

"I know." I still didn't move.

"Come on," he offered, "I'll take you home."

"No, I don't want to go home." I placed my hand on Lady's head, attempting to act as calm as possible, but my hands were still shaking. "Mom found Brian's stolen knife, and it isn't pretty. I'm just gonna walk a bit more."

"Alright, just be careful."

"I will be."

* * *

It was a few hours later, and again I found myself sitting on the park bench. The sun must've gone down because the air had become colder, and goose-bumps were appearing on my arms.

"You shouldn't be out here still." At the sound of his voice, I jumped. "Sorry if I scared ya'." Pony said.

"I don't want to go home yet." I said, "What are you doing out here anyway?"

He sat down at the far end of the bench. "I just felt like walking."

Silence.

"You scared me," I don't know why I told him that, "With those kids beating you up and everything."

"You think it scared you?" He gave a short laugh, "Try being in my shoes."

Silence.

"I meant to thank you." I said, not being able to take the quietness.

"For what?"

"For the gift. I like it a lot." I smiled slightly.

"I didn't know if you would." He said.

"Mother's always scolding me when I leave it open, she hates having to close it."

He laughed sweetly, and I smiled.

Silence.

"It sure is cold out here." He said.

"I know, why didn't you wear a jacket?"

"Why didn't you?"

I laughed, "Because it wasn't cold when I came out here, stupid."

"You think you're so smart." He muttered, rubbing his hands together.

"Feel my hands, they're freezing." He pressed his fingertips to my cheek.

"You baby, they're not cold at all. Feel mine." I rested my hand on his cheek.

Silence.

It was the first time I'd realized how close we'd gotten, I could feel his hot breath tickling my nose. His cheek was warm and unintentionally, my thumb brushed over his skin. Bumps rose on my arms once more, but I knew it wasn't from the cold.

I wished I could read what he was thinking, but he didn't pull away and his hand still remained, but it slipped down towards the base of my jaw, leading my lips to his.

Everything was right, everything was perfect, and without realizing it, I had pushed myself toward him.

Then, remembering what I was doing, I reluctantly pulled away.

"I should go home, Pony." I whispered.

"Joy, I-" He started softly.

"My mother will be worried." I interrupted.

"I'll walk you home." He stood up.

"I'll be fine," I insisted, "Darry'll probably be looking for you anyway."

* * *

I went home, and after a long and tiresome lecture, I got in bed, but I couldn't sleep. So, I opened the tiny music box that sat on my bedside table letting the tune spill out, pulling me to sleep.

I smiled to myself, knowing how angry my mother would be when she had to close it that night.

* * *

Thanks for reading ya'll! It's longer than the last chapter, and I'm very proud of myself! Please review! It's the highlight of my day! (The sad thing is, I'm not kidding.)


	7. Hating Christmas

**Chapter 7**

I was beginning to question myself more than normal and I couldn't understand why. _What am I going to be good for in the future? Why am I always sitting at this damn typewriter? Why do I feel so helpless?_

I could feel it starting to creep in on me, like it had before, tackling me to the ground like I was nothing more than a sack of potatoes. Was that what I was? Was that what I had turned out to be? A sack of potatoes; nothing.

Dragging myself through the days that only seemed to be getting longer was not worth it. I had come to realize this.

He called me. He came to my door. I didn't bother. I was sick, my mother told him again and again, which wasn't a lie. I even had medication that I took twice a day, but it didn't help me feel better.

Everyone all around me told me of the beautiful lights that had sprung up all over the town. Everything was doused with wonderful shades of green and red, and magnificent gold. Boys and girls huddled around their trees and hung all sorts of memories on them.

But I, I could only hear the street carolers muffled songs of joy and laughter. I could only smell the scent of the pine that filled the living room, most of all though, I could feel the cold.

Seeping in through the cracks of the windows and freezing my toes and my hands, the chill swept the house. My mom told me to put gloves over my fingers if I was cold, but what good would that be for typing? No, I just sat there unraveling the knot of words that was clumped in my head. I couldn't sort them out, but words kept flowing from my fingertips. Once a page was filled I'd pull it out crumple it up and throw it on a pile in the middle of my bedroom floor.

Eventually, I had trouble making my way to my door avoiding all of the wads of paper, but those trips were rare.

Then, after many days of continuous typing, I ran out of paper. I sat still for a while after that, pondering what to do. What should I have done with my fingers if they were not typing? I beat them in a steady rhythm on the desktop to keep myself occupied. Finally, I gave up and continued to click the keys of the typewriter anyway, paper or not.

* * *

The doorbell rang. I hated that ring. I slammed my fist down on my desk. Something fell over; I wasn't sure what it was. It broke and shattered on the floor. I didn't care, but I heard sounds shortly after. A sad tune, so familiar. I pushed my chair out of the way and landed on my hand and knees on the floor. Bits of shattered glass stuck to my hands.

I felt around, trying to capture the music, but it ended. I had killed it. I hated myself, I hated everything. I remembered this feeling from not-so-long ago and somehow the familiarity of it all comforted me.

"Joy? Are you alright?" His voice came from my doorway.

"No," I told him, "I don't think I am," my voice was calmer then even I had expected.

He took a few steps closer and put his hand on my shoulder. I could hear the paper being stepped on. "What happened?" He asked.

"I broke it," I said plainly. He was silent for a minute, I wasn't sure what to do.

"What's wrong, Joy?" He said, kneeling down next to me.

"Everything is breaking," it turned out differently than I had thought it would. "I hate Christmas." I told him.

"Come on, let's walk. We can go over to my house; the gang hasn't seen you in weeks." He said, grabbing my frozen hand and pressing it between his.

"It's cold outside," I turned away from him.

"Not if you wear a jacket," he said, not letting go of my hand.

"I really should clean this up." I told him.

"You can clean it up later," I didn't understand why he pushed me as he did, but something inside of me was glad to see him, to hear the voice that I had not heard in so long. Had that been my choice? Why wasn't he angry with me?

We went into the kitchen where the warming odor of sugar cookies roamed.

"Mom," I popped my head into the kitchen, "I'm going out for a while, okay?"

She didn't argue or ask me where I was going, she seemed glad to see me get out, "Alright, just don't be home too late, your father is getting back from New York tonight." She said.

"Okay."

"And make sure to bring Lady with you, too," She added.

"Okay."

I grabbed my coat and headed outside where I opened the gate to let Lady out. I was pretty sure that the sun had already set, it felt late.

* * *

Pony and I didn't talk for a while. There was not much to say to make up for all of the weeks of silence.

"Why do you hate Christmas?" He finally asked me.

"I always have," suddenly I felt stupid for locking myself up all of that time. "You act like it's so strange for me to have not been seen for that long of a time, but its normal. I can't explain it. All year everyone looks forward to this time of year and I always tell myself that it will be better than years past, but it never is. It happens every year." I repeated.

There were a few moments of silence and in the distance I could hear the sound of carolers. A slight breeze ran over my skin and I grabbed his hand.

"You're not missing anything," he said finally, "by not being able to see anything, I mean," His voice was soft and warm. "It's what you can hear that is the best part," he told me.

I smiled for the first time in a very long while. For the first time in my life I could feel past the cold, and the bells that rang somewhere near by filled me with warmth, or maybe that was his hand wrapped around mine.

"What day is it?" I asked him.

"The 19th" He told me.

"I have time still to enjoy it then."

"Yeah," he said.

"Thanks Pony," I said.

There was silence, but it was the most comfortable silence I had ever experienced.

* * *

Sorry it's so short and choppy, but I've really be struggling to find time to write lately. I'll probably go back and edit half of this chapter later. I'm really sorry took so long, but marching band season is over and I'll be able to write more now. Thanks for reading and please review with some ideas!!!


	8. Meeting Auntie Lynn

**Chapter 8**

"Ponyboy Curtis! Are you ready to go?" I stepped into the Curtis house.

"Yeah, one second," He shouted from the hall.

"What time do you think that you'll be back tonight?" Darry asked me from the kitchen.

"I'm not sure," I told him, "She lives and hour away."

"Darry, have you seen my jacket?" Pony interrupted.

"No, ask your brother," He said.

"I haven't seen it either," Soda said from the couch right beside me.

I jumped back. "Soda, why didn't you tell me that you were there?" I slapped his arm the best I could.

"I was afraid I'd scare ya'," he laughed, "Jeez, Joy, a little jumpy are we?"

I tried to hit him again, but I missed, so I resorted to sticking out my tongue.

"Okay, lets go," Pony came into the living room, "Bye Darry, see ya' later Soda!"

"Bye." Soda was still laughing as we left.

"Come on, Pony!" I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the car.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming," he said.

He opened the car door a let me slide in before him.

"Hey Pony," My dad spoke from the front seat, "Your brother was okay with you coming with us?"

"Yeah, it's fine with him, Mr. Carson."

My great aunt lived a little west of Tulsa. I'd only met her a few times in my life before she had moved to Oklahoma. We were to eat dinner at her house and I had invited Pony over at the last minute, afraid I'd die of boredom if I didn't.

* * *

"Joy! Brian!" My aging relative gave up both a kiss on the cheek before letting us inside, "Oh, Brian, is this a friend of yours?" She asked. 

"He's a friend of_ mine_ Auntie Lynn. This is Ponyboy." I said. She shook his hand and the three of us escaped inside while my parents greeted her.

We sat beside the fireplace for a while, attempting to warm our hands. My great aunt led my mother and father through the house for the 'grand tour' while Brian wandered around, surely pondering how easy it would be to lift something from the ornate tables.

Pony stood up, probably to gaze out the window like I so often found him doing.

"Let's go outside," he said, breaking the silence.

"Pony," I whined, "I just got warm!"

"Come on," he insisted.

"You're crazy," I said plainly, but held up my hand for him to pull me up.

We slipped on our jackets and gloves again before disappearing outside.

My great aunt had a large portion of land. Most of her neighbors owned cattle of some sort, but she was deathly allergic to fur of any kind.

Pony and I walked beside each other and when my arm bumped his he laced our fingers together. We continued walking, slightly downhill. He seemed to know where he was going, so I didn't question him. He stopped suddenly and there was the sound of a stomping hoof against the frosty ground, a sound very unfamiliar to me.

"Pony, what is that?" I backed away.

"It's okay," he laughed, squeezing my hand, "It's just a horse."

"There's a fence there, right Pony?" I whispered in his ear.

"Yeah," He said sweetly. He unclasped his hand from mine to move closer and pet the horse's nose.

"Come on," He grabbed my hand from my side and pulled off my glove.

"Pony, it's cold!" I said.

"Are you scared, Joy?" He asked.

"No!" I said defensively, "Well maybe a little," I shrugged.

He took my hand and placed it on the horse's mane. The animal moved suddenly and I pulled away, but then I placed my hand back where it was and rubbed my fingers through the mare's soft winter coat.

"What are you looking at," I asked him suddenly, realizing that he had been off in space for a while.

He sighed, "The sun's setting."

"Oh," I said, "You like it a lot out here, huh Pony?"

"Yeah, it's so much better here."

"It's quiet, too quiet, even. I can't stand the city much either," I told him, wondering if I'd ever find a place where I'd be satisfied.

As if he was reading my mind he said, "You'll find somewhere to go, Joy."

"And I'll come visit you for Christmas in the country," I laughed.

"I'll teach you how to ride a horse." He said.

"What if I fall off?" I cried.

"I won't let you," he grabbed my hand.

"Good," I smiled.

"Joy! Ponyboy! Mom says to come and eat!" Brian called from the house.

"Let's go," Pony said.

* * *

Sorry, it's a strange spot to end it....Very short chapter today....Please Review! 

-Red


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